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heyabigailmae:

Solitude is sexy

People ask me a lot about traveling alone. They express interest because part of them is excited and thrilled by the idea of doing it themselves, but they’re also fearful of the big ‘L’ word (loneliness).

I sat on the beach today and wrote in my diary about the topic. Here’s some of what I penned…

Hello. Yes. This is me. I am here and I am so happy to be here. The sun is shining and so am I! 

Chicago beach. Strawberries in my mouth. They could be sweeter, but I don’t care. 

This air. This sun. This ocean—is bliss. 

I look at my rolly little tummy and feel happy. I am not perfect, and so—I am beautiful. The cocaine does not thrill nor excite me, but the sunshine intoxicates. I don’t want to leave Chicago. I want to stay longer.

We are all here. We are here and unarmed.

The city heals souls. Beach and breeze makes me feel as though I’ve never been wounded before.

Two girls tease each other—her girlfriend pulls her into the water and they hold each other, kissing. I soak up their smiles and I regenerate with their happiness.

By no means do I claim to be the ambassador of proper travel and exploration, that I have it right, that there is a right way at all. All I know is my life, my experiences. And I tend to feel and enjoy things on a level that others seek to achieve. 

I would urge anyone who believes they could procure their own happiness, anyone who believes in the beauty of worlds unknown, to walk alone. Because the fear will dissipate. 

Perhaps I don’t understand because I’ve never been fearful of the solitary journey—it has always thrilled and excited me. Nonetheless, I believe others too, could benefit from my method, which I certainly cannot claim to have invented. 

To lay on the beach and feel the ecstasy of the sun on your face, and the cool breeze, and no companion but your books, your paper, your pen—it gives space to feel it. To live it. To study it carefully—rather than filling the silence with idle chatter.

Company, especially in travel, is also a beautiful thing, not to be slighted, but I’m speaking to what I know and delight in.

Perhaps you do not know or do not believe you can pleasure yourself in this way, but I encourage you to dig your feet into the sand, let every sense heighten—watch the birds, note the plane, breathe oxygen, sweet oxygen, feel your hair blow goddess like in the wind, and tell me if you don’t feel the natural climaxes life freely offers you when you take the time to slow down, walk alone, and smile, delighted to be alive in this world—heart beating, life breathing today. 

You don’t need the help of a pill or drug to feel every little impulse with intensity—to feast on the sensual smorgasbord of tinglings life offers up in the ordinary. 

You need only walk alone-exist in silence. Allow yourself child’s freedom.

**Note: I do not partake of cocaine.

It’s in traveling alone that you discover so much about yourself.